well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
