Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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