I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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