I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
