yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
