thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
