my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
