Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
