and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
