So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
