bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
