I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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