Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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