jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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