Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
