I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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