return my video game
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
