Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
