Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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