Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
grandma shit on top of the toilet
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
