come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize