Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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