Why are handjobs necessary in class?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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