I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
