i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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