She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
