If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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