I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize