i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
