I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
