We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
