I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
