its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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