like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
