So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
is it fun? or sober?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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