And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
