i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
