You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It's just like the Real World with babies
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize