come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
