I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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