This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I love how my cats smell like pot.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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