I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
