You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i need some magic done to my vagina
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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