I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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