All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
