When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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