After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
