things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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