Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
