Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
