eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just want to make out with him forever
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
