We won't sleep together?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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