I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
