I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
