so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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