I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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