Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize