omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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