i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
