ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
