There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize