Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
