Your tits are I can't wait for
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she told me i tasted like america
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
