OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
