I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
