I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
