After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
