I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Randomize
