This girl is more easily done than said...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
