it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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