I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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