If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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