what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
