Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
