omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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